I know the old adage goes the other way around, but this is what I believe after going through arguably the WORST ordeal of my life. And it all started as most, if not all, ordeals typically start - by believing a lie.
Long story short, I don't think I could look at a sonogram video without bursting into tears. That is because it will remind me of that dreadful morning when I saw my child for the first and last time. However, not only was that the beginning of more dreadful truths to come, but knowing that an innocent life had to be the casualty of a one-sided fragile long-distance love was indeed the worst consequence of ignorance. Did I know that him moving into another woman's house (well, her father's house) was a recipe for disaster? Certainly! Then why did I trust him? Because I believed in his obviously half-hearted gesture of false commitment. How naive I was to not realize how far a liar will go to have his cake and eat it too. What I also didn't realize was how disrespectful she, the "roommate", would turn out to be.
And so I lived and breathed and sang in my blissful ignorance, until I was with child. And while I had to break the embarrassing news to the family (and father took it famously well (sarcasm)), and feel that pang of shame when I have to inform the gynecologist that the child's father was over 2,000 miles away, he was busy cavorting with his "roommate" as if there was no me. And really, there was no me. No me to call. No me to check on. And when God in His infinite wisdom took my baby into His everlasting arms, there was no me to comfort. The reason for this, I later learned, was that he was in pain. Never mind that I was the one who was simultaneously stripped of an unborn child and of the attention of the fool I loved... the fool who asked to marry me. No, he, the fool acting like there was no me, was in the most pain.
Now, as God revealed the true nature of my now ex-fiancé, there is absolutely nothing he can say to me to fully convince me of any contrition on his part. Not to say he hasn't tried. Yet, just as before, there is no heart in his words. The difference, this time, is that I am no longer ignorant of it. Nor am I blissful.
