No, this has nothing to do with Carnival - except the word "sex" of course. However, this thought was prompted by my American coworker today asking about my desktop background, which is the picture under the "Boots with these??" post - the model posing in the Imp costume. She asked "Who is that?". Now, I am sure she was well meaning (albeit nosy), but I am certain that it is not some fleeting paranoia to suspect that there are questions about my sexual orientation floating about in the workplace, and this picture was simply icing on the cake. I am one of the few unmarried employees (not to mention one of the youngest), boldly expressing my intentions to NOT enter a long-term romantic relationship, and I wear my hair in dreadlocks (which is THE lesbian hairdo, I am told...though I think that is an utterly ridiculous stereotype). Then again, I am the only Trinidadian in the entire company (not surprisingly). So, I explained to her that the person is a complete stranger to me, and that she is modelling the costume I will be wearing for the Carnival. She simply smiled and nodded, making it clear to the both of us that as far as she was concerned, I was speaking Greek. Whatever. I stated my case, and that was all.
However, this simple event caused some thoughts to occur to me, as well as some memories. I grew up as a tomboy, preferring to play sports with the guys than Barbie dolls with my sister (although, whenever I was guilted into it, we did have a good time...). As a result of this, I was never really intimidated by guys. In fact, by early adolescence, I was mean to them. Very mean. So, in retrospect, I can understand why they would assume I was a lesbian. However, I was not even aware of my scarlet "L" until form four (age 15-16 for you foreigners). By the time I did become aware of it, I was dating my first love (who shall remain nameless) - who, btw, is a male. When I first heard it, I burst out laughing. But a few months later, I came to realize how far the rumour had spread. The more I heard about it, the more defensive I became. People made up stories about catching me red-handed in one of my supposed sexual escapades with my best friend, who also suffered from this rumour. Also, very recently, a rather "intelligent" friend asked me this same question when I told him that I am not exclusively dating anyone. While these types of questions come out of mere narrow-mindedness, one has to wonder why the hell MUST one sleep around to protect their heterosexuality - at least in terms of their reputation??!!!(... funny, I intended to put up a post of all my Trini boys that I love, but first Machel play de ass at "the Living Room", and now this whole lesbian crap. To post that "tribute" after this would seem a bit...well...overcompensating). But I digress. My frustration is this - when it comes to females, sex is indeed a double-edged sword. Sleep with too many men - whore. Refuse too many men - gay. Steups. I'm sure I would never escape this stigma, because apparently, that is the only recourse that the small-minded male has when rejected by a woman of class. I suppose I'd leave it at that. Any thoughts on the matter, fellow bloggers?
3 comments:
Hi TriniQueen, I just happened to click on your blog link from Saucydiva's.
If you are quite comfortable with yourself, there is absolutely no reason to think about what other people think of your sexuality. It is quite difficult, I imagine. Other people's acceptance is still an important factor for most of us to feel validated. The problem is compounded when people treat you differently, because of their perception which are not based on knowing you, but just rumors. It works the other way as well. How about when a lesbian thinks you are on the team and treats you with some kind of special hidden secret (as if to say, yeah I know WHO you are). Some could also treat you entirely differently when they find out you are not. It has happened to me (I my case, gay men). I am true blue heterosexual. I never had the smallest inclination to bat for the other team, and believe me, I have really contemplated very deeply about this subject, because it was a matter of being sure of my humanitarian acceptance of other people who are not heterosexual. At first glance, some people who believe they are "in the know" think I am gay. I think it's all silly, and I don't have a "violent" replusion if they think I am. It just validates my feeling that so many people are so ignorant and uninformed, before the make judgements on any one. I try not to do this (pass judgement) in my own walk in life. I am quite opinionated on a vast array of subjects, but I do try to get to facts first.
I hope I have added a little something to your discussion here. : )
Damn, Kevian!!! My heart goes out to you dear! It's one thing to hear about it at school, but at home??? It's sad when people that close to you assume these things, especially when they should know better than that!
Dougla_1, yes, your two cents on the subject are truly priceless.:) You made some excellent points about perception and acceptance, which I totally agree with. And, yes, people are small minded when they jump to silly conclusions like that...
I could only laugh yes. My initial reaction is to tell you to ignore them, but I know sometimes how you could get drawn into the defensive.
And as for the dreadlock thing they wouldn't understand it.
I had that kind of rumour happen to me at school once, funny thing is i wasn't even in when it supposedly happened. i remember some girl in and her friends in an older form asking me if it was true and I nearly dead when I buss out laughing yes.
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